


Breakfast

by ludolefebvre



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Coffeeshop AU, Depression, First Kiss, Gen, M/M, Mentions of self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 15:13:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5971555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ludolefebvre/pseuds/ludolefebvre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ari doesn't like change. Mathias just wants him to smile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breakfast

Ari sits in his usual spot, a chair close to, but not _too_ close to the heating vents of the coffee shop. This time of year, he practically haunts the spot. Even when the shop is full (not often, as there's a Starbucks across the road) nobody sits in his chair, the chair that creaks horribly if you don't perch in a particular way, to the point where Ari wonders if the shop's owner places a 'reserved' card on the table when Ari leaves and picks it back up when he sees Ari's small car pull up next to the (broken) parking meter.

 

He supposes that would be silly. The spot is kind of tucked away near the back of the shop, of course nobody else sits in it but him.

 

He's staring at his laptop screen, fingers hovering above the keys, when he feels a presence next to him.

 

“Just the usual, Sve,” he says quietly, without looking up. His foot taps under the table slightly as he tries to figure out how to pick up where he left off on his paper. He hears someone clear their throat, and he looks up.

 

“Come again?” the man asks. Ari squints a little bit without meaning to. The man is not Sve- he's as tall as Sve, a little broader, with the same golden hair, though this man's is sticking up in all directions. He's wearing a blue apron, though, and holding a notepad, so Ari guesses he must be a new server. He groans. He doesn't like change at the best of times, but especially not here, in this coffeeshop that usually serves as a comfortable respite from his crappy, messy apartment.

 

“Where's Sve?” he asks the man.

 

The man blinks large blue eyes at him, but before he can let go of the nervous laugh in his throat, Ari clarifies, “Um- Berwald. He's... he usually takes my order.”

 

“Oh, Berwald!” the tall server exclaims, and his voice is far too loud and energetic for Ari, who has yet to get his coffee. “He had to quit. His sister is ill, so he's taking care of his nephew.”

 

Ari's lips part slightly, shocked. He hadn't considered Berwald to be a best friend, or anything, but Ari had been a regular customer since he'd started university a few years ago, and the two had gotten to know each other quite well, even going out to drink together a few times. He feels a little bit hurt, and then a little bit selfish, for wishing that Berwald might have thought to inform him before leaving his job.

 

“So ... what would you like?”

 

Ari looks up, gulping down the slight lump of panic that rose in his throat at the thought that he wouldn't be seeing Sve for at least a while. “I- uh-” his usual order is slightly complicated, and to be honest, he can't even remember what goes in it. “A black coffee and porridge, please.”

 

“Sure thing!” the new server says, bouncing on his toes as he jots Ari's order down on his notepad. “I'm Mathias, by the way.” he flashes a rather dazzling smile at Ari, who looks away. When Ari doesn't respond, Mathias walks away to go to the next customer, and Ari lets out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. He swears under his breath. He doesn't want to get used to this new server. He glances at his laptop screen, and then shuts the lid. He's not going to get any work done this morning. He hates that something as simple as this can throw his whole day off.

 

He eats his porridge sullenly and stares at the coffee before taking a sip. He doesn't like black coffee; his brother does. Ari is stubborn, though, and he gulps the coffee down. He can't afford to be wasting anything.

 

Usually he'd spend the whole day at the coffeeshop, but he doesn't see the point today. He gathers up his stuff and leaves. Mathias watches him go, slightly bothered that he hadn't seen the man smile even once.

\--

 

That Monday sets off a bad week for Ari. For days, he feels unable to leave his bed, his one sanctuary- his stupid little cafe table- effectively ruined. He considers calling his brother, but he doesn't feel like a lecture on how he should be talking to his therapist more regularly. He considers calling Sve, but he wouldn't be able to talk to him without broaching the subject of Sve's sick sister, and Ari doesn't know if he could handle having pity for anyone but himself at the moment. He makes breakfast for himself, but it's shitty, instant coffee with too much milk. He can't justify buying cream.

 

One morning, the sun shines through his window obnoxiously. Ari groans at the assault on his eyeballs and rolls over before opening his eyes. The last time he'd seen the sun shining, he'd been at the coffeeshop.

 

He could use a good cup of coffee.

 

“What the hell,” he mumbles to himself, swinging his legs over the edge of his bed. He might as well leave the apartment to do something other than smoke on his balcony. Ari makes slow work of dressing himself (trying to find something he's worn less than three times since its last washing is a chore) and then brushes his hair, trying to ignore how dark his undereyes have gotten when he looks in the mirror. It's only when he's halfway to the coffeeshop that he realizes he's forgotten to brush his teeth. _Oh well_ , he thinks.

 

He parks at the broken meter and goes to sit at his usual spot. When Mathias comes up to him, Ari asks, “Can Tino serve me?”

 

Mathias frowns. “Tino's the owner, he doesn't serve customers. You know him?”

 

“He's a friend of my brother's,” Ari says, staring at the table.

 

“So, your usual? Coffee and porridge?” Mathias asks, grinning again. What an idiot, Ari thinks.

 

“Sure,” he confirms, too tired to clarify. Mathias gives him a thumbs-up and Ari fixes him with an icy glare.

 

He's ready to resignedly slurp his porridge again, but when Mathias serves it to him, he sits at the chair across from Ari. Ari nearly feels his blood run cold. This is too much.

 

“Aren't you supposed to be working?” he asks, annoyed.

 

“It's my break,” Mathias smiles.

 

“And on your break, you sit with customers' tables? Without asking?” Ari grits out.

 

“You looked like you needed some company,” Mathias says. He folds his hand on the table and leans forward, trying to look at the notebook Ari had brought along. “What are you writing?”

 

“Nothing. It's none of your business.” Ari decides that he does not like Mathias.

 

“Oh. Okay.” Mathias shrugs. “I still don't know your name.”

 

They stare at each other, Ari's stony expression contrasting with Mathias' sunny one.

 

“It's Ari.”

 

“That's a nice name.” Mathias hums a tune. It's rather irritating.

 

“I don't care. I didn't choose it.” Ari looks down at his notebook and picks up his pen, hoping Mathias will take the hint. He does.

 

Ari still doesn't get any work done that day, mostly doodling pictures of people in the cafe, but the black coffee does go down a little easier this time.

\--

 

For the next month, as winter progresses and the days get darker and shorter, Ari goes to the cafe and eats his porridge and drinks his coffee. Every so often, Mathias will sit down and they make small talk on his fifteen-minute break. Ari gets used to it, to his relief. Talking to Mathias is a lesson in patience- he's nothing like anyone Ari has ever met. He's never seen Mathias have a bad day. He'd never admit it, but he's infuriatingly jealous of the man's friendly nature.

 

He learns things about Mathias, inane little things. His favourite colour is red and he loves dogs. His family is from Denmark and he's studying Medieval History. He likes beer but doesn't like the smell of cigarette smoke (Ari doesn't particularly care about that one).

Ari wonders if Mathias considers Ari a friend. Ari considers Mathias part of his daily routine- an annoying one, at that, he thinks- but on the days when Mathias is too busy to take a break, Ari finds himself perturbed. Like there's a gap in his day that should be filled by Mathias and his stupid hair.

 

It rains for a week and Ari feels it in his bones. He doesn't get out of bed except to smoke, and he doesn't work on his paper. He makes one cup of coffee for himself on a dreary Tuesday morning, but he forgets it on the counter and when he goes back to it, it's gone cold. He pours it down the drain, eyes glazed.

 

On Thursday, he hears a knock on his door. Ari freezes and waits for whoever it is to realize they've gone to the wrong apartment, but the knocking continues. It continues until Ari's head is ringing and he plods over to the door, tired scowl set on his face. He throws open the door and the snarl he'd been preparing dies in his throat.

 

Mathias is standing there, on Ari's doorstep. His blond hair is soaked and falling in his eyes and he's holding a shopping bag. Ari stares. How the hell-?

 

Mathias pushes past him, setting the shopping bag on the small table where Ari usually tosses his keys. “Man, it's really pouring out there!” he says, flashing Ari a grin. Ari stares at him.

 

“You're ... you're getting mud all over the place,” is the only thing he can think to say. Mathias' eyes widen. “Crap, sorry,” he apologizes, pulling off his running shoes.

 

“How do you know where I live?” Ari's head is spinning slightly.

 

“Tino told me.” Mathias smiles up at him, placing his shoes on the mat.

 

“And ... why, are you here?” Ari crosses his arms, suddenly aware that he must look like shit. He's cold, away from his cocoon of sweaty blankets, he hasn't showered in at least two days, and hasn't changed his ratty t-shirt and boxers in longer than that. He gulps, slightly mortified.

 

Mathias stands up straight and grabs the bag he'd brought, fishing around in it to pull out a tupperware container. “Breakfast!”

 

Ari blinks. “You-”

 

“I brought you breakfast, you haven't been to the shop in a while so I thought-”

 

“You thought I was incapable of making myself breakfast?”

 

Mathias' smile dampens a bit. Ari feels bad.

 

“I... I'm kidding. That's actually quite thoughtful of you.” he shifts from foot to foot.

 

Mathias' grin returns to its usual radiance. He's like a puppy, Ari thinks.

 

“Just, um... do me a favour and text before you show up next time. Here, I'll give you my phone number.”

 

They sit and eat porridge and drink coffee in Ari's messy apartment. Ari thinks he'll feel even more exhausted after Mathias leaves, but he doesn't.

\--

 

Ari starts going to the cafe again. This time, he actually gets some work done. He and Mathias keep talking, and on the days when Ari can't make it to the coffeeshop, Mathias brings him breakfast. Things start to look up, and Ari starts to feel normal for the first time in – he doesn't even know how long.

 

Then Ari has a bad week. And another one. His apartment feels like a prison, but the thought of facing the outside world is painful. To make things worse, he doesn't hear from Mathias. On the day he manages to take a shower, he faces the mirror and hates what he sees with every fiber of his being. His face is paler than ever, skin almost translucent, grey and sickly, save for the bruise-like marks under his bloodshot eyes. Ari climbs into the shower and sits on the floor, lets the scalding water wash over him, wishing it could warm whatever is frozen inside him.

 

He thinks of the cosmetic scissors he has in his cupboard and considers adding more marks to his legs. When he turns the steel implement over in his hands, he can't do it. He trims his hangnails instead.

\--

 

On a Saturday morning (he thinks, he's lost track of the days), there's a knock on his door. Ari puts his pillow over his face and sniffs, feeling unreal after spending a whole night staring at the ceiling.

 

The knocking continues, like he knows it will. He ignores it.

 

Mathias starts loudly singing 'Tiny Dancer' outside his door and Ari is mortified. What the hell is Mathias thinking?

 

After a few bars, he groans and stomps over to the door, throwing it open. “Are you _crazy?_ ” he hisses.

 

Mathias huffs. “Am _I_ crazy? You're the one who's been holed up in here forever- I was worried about you.”

 

Mathias was worried about him. Ari blinks away tears. “Well, no need, I'm perfectly fine,” he says, voice clipped.

 

Mathias' eyes sweep around the disaster that is Ari's apartment, and come to settle on Ari's face, where exhaustion is screaming from every fine line. “Ari, I know that's not true. You- you look terrible.” He says it with a pained expression, like it's the meanest thing he's been forced to say in a long time.

 

“Well.” Ari says, eyes burning, “You want a life update, Mathias? I look terrible because I feel terrible. Imagine-- imagine you're on a road that never ends, and there's someone following you. And you're driving this really terrible car, and the road is awful, and the weather is shit and- And sometimes it's not so bad, sometimes the sun comes out, sometimes the truck that's been chasing you down stops to have lunch. But you know it'll be back soon. And-” Ari is grappling for metaphors now, prose has never been his strong suit- “And then your car breaks down. And you're just, waiting for that truck to come up behind you and- it feels like you can't breathe, and-” Ari looks down, fists clenched, eyes stinging. “I don't know what I'm saying. This doesn't make any sense. Nothing... nothing makes any sense.”

 

Ari flinches slightly when he feels Mathias wrap him in a hug, but he forces himself to relax because Mathias is warm and it feels good to be held. Mathias is stroking his hair, his nasty, greasy hair that hasn't been washed in days. “You don't have to explain,” Mathias says softly. This is the quietest Ari has ever heard him speak. “I ... I get it.”

 

“How could you understand?” Ari says into Mathias' chest, his voice cracking and muffled. “You're always so- so happy, so stupidly happy, it's infuriating-”

 

Mathias laughs a little. Ari feels it. “I don't know, Ari. It takes a lot of work to be this happy.”

 

“I'm too tired to be happy.”

 

Mathias squeezes him, then pulls back. He looks into Ari's eyes. “I have a bit of happiness to spare, it looks like. I could let you borrow some.”

 

Ari snorts, eyes watering. “Yeah, okay.” Then Mathias does the thing which had made Ari hate him when they'd first met- he surprised him. Mathias leans down and kisses Ari's forehead. Ari draws in a shaky breath as Mathias' hands come to rest on either side of Ari's face. He lets it out when Mathias presses their foreheads together.

 

They stay like that for a few moments until Ari opens his eyes, looking cautiously at Mathias. He doesn't know what to feel. He knows that depression is no easy fix, but that's no reason to refuse the help that Mathias is offering.

 

He'll admit it to himself, he's grown rather fond of the man.

 

Ari closes the gap between them, his lips pressing softly to Mathias'. They kiss slowly, Mathias allowing Ari to explore at his own pace. Ari traces Mathias' mouth like he's mapping it out, nibbles lightly at his bottom lip, feels an icy shard in his chest start to unthaw. He feels incredible.

 

Mathias pulls his lips away slowly. “Maybe I can take the wheel for a while,” he whispers. “We'll shake that truck.”

 

 

 


End file.
